Woman overhears her step-daughter claiming she doesn’t love her, in-laws blame her for getting emotional about it: “Stop crying and making it about you”

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    AITA for crying when I heard my stepdaughter say she doesn't love me and wishes her dad and I hadn't married?

    "My love was one-sided"
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    I (44f) married my husband 8 years ago. His first wife" . when his daughter was 5. She was 9 when we met and 11 when we got married. We have what I always considered a pretty good relationship and I love her and she's a good kid and now young adult. I could never have kids of my
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    own and I accepted that. I never expected, suggested or implied I wanted to be her mom. I was happy to be a part of her life and some part of her family. I did think we loved each other. But I learned this was one sided at Christmas.
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    My husband's extended family planned a few days away after Christmas to spend as a family. We rented a cabin and everyone was under one roof for a few nights. I fell ill halfway through and stayed in bed most of the latter part of the trip. One of those days I woke up from a nap and could hear my
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    stepdaughter and SIL talking and I didn't hear all of it but I did hear her tell her aunt she doesn't love me and really only tolerates that her dad married me because he's happy but she wishes he hadn't married me, or anyone.
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    I turned on the TV to drown out the sound but then I started crying. It made me sad and I won't lie and say it didn't or that it didn't bother me at all. But I was never going to bring it up. Then SIL checked on me after a while and found me crying. She realized I must have heard some of it and told me I
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    should never have listened and that crying wouldn't solve anything. Then she told me not to start any trouble based on what I heard. I said I wasn't going to but I just needed to let it out.
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    I didn't bring it up again and I was happy to let it go. But my SIL brought it up again and she told me I could feel a certain way but at my age and given my stepdaughter's loss I shouldn't have made it about me by crying. She told me she hoped I wasn't planning to get my husband to go after my stepdaughter. I told her I
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    never said a word to my husband. I said I wasn't trying to make it about me. She claims that couldn't be true when I cried and I should think about that so it never comes out around others. AITA?
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    BadmiralHarryKim • 17h ago NTA, it's okay to feel sad when someone you, presumably, care about has different feelings. She's nineteen now (eleven plus an eight year marriage) so maybe there's some normal pulling away poorly expressed. Things might change.
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    The SIL sounds like a piece of work though.
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    F Dresden_Mouse • 17h ago your SIL, she is the one bringing sh up
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    AnxiousTelephone... • 17h ago NTA. Your SIL is an a h le, though. You're allowed to have feelings, and you're allowed to feel hurt. It sounds to me like you did the right and adult thing: processing those feelings privately and away from your stepdaughter.
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    Of course you understand what a tremendous loss this girl experienced, and if I had to guess she most likely didn't mean what she said. But those words still stung, and it's ok to need time to nurse your wounds about it.
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    Boring-Magazine-... • 16h ago Tell your SIL that if she addresses it again you will talk to your husband about her behaviour. Not your stepdaughter's.
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    Ambroisie Cy • 16h ago NTA 1. Crying in your private room is not making it all about you. 2. Your SIL coming to your room and insisting not once, but twice, on
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    talking about it with you is the one making a big deal out of it. 3. She is also giving you intentions. People doing this are usually the ones who would do the things they are accusing others of doing. She decided you would do bad things with that information.
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    Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised if your SIL was encouraging your stepdaughter's feelings instead of trying to apease her. Its only a theory, obviously, based on what you wrote about your SIL. But seeing her reaction and how she puts all the blame one
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    you (even the unexisting ones that she created in her head) makes me think she has a problem with you and your existence into their lives.
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    Salty_macaron_0183 • 16h ago NTA And honestly, given how your sister-in-law talked to you, I wouldn't be surprised if she was encouraging your stepdaughter to hate you.
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    SoMoistlyMoist • 16h ago Wow, your sister-in-law sounds like a right . I kind of get where your stepdaughter was coming from, she's what 18 or 19 and this still not a grown up. It sounds like your sister-in-law
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    may have been leading her along that path, so try not to take it to heart. You've got a decent relationship with your stepdaughter, I'm sure she does really care about you. But f your sister-in-law. I would stay far away from her.
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    Also there's nothing wrong with crying when you feel upset. You were doing it privately in your room. Another reason to stay away from your sister-in-law. She sounds like a troublemaker.

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